Life as of today.

Life brings many things our way. As thanksgiving passes and Christmas comes After a long night of thinking I have come to realize I bitch, I bitch a lot. I blame, I do. Most of the time the people I blame actually deserve the blame. But, I do blame people for things. I could just take responsibility, my fault or not. I don't tho. I am no saint. Far from it actually. I have done things I regret, I can lie to people very successfully most of the time. Except to those select few who are so damn closed to me they can read me like a book. Many people don't have the things I do. I should be grateful and instead? I complain, I get mas when things don't go my way and I bitch some more. I have given and given and given yes. However, do I not have more to give? My home life is not the healthiest...but some people do not have a home life at all.

I disowned my father David five years ago. He hurt me, Hurt me badly. I do not know how else to put it. I however, Feel I need to be the bigger person and give him yet another chance. I know it will be hard and I will want to lose my temper a lot. But, he is getting on in years and if I grant my mother so much leeway shouldn't I grant David the same? A lot of my prejudice against him was brought on by my mother. Is it fair to let her prejudices control how I feel, think and believe? I do not think so. Life is hard for so many. Including ourselves. It is so, so hard. Shouldn't I give David that chance again to try to make up the damage he caused?

My mother says she loves me . I have a hard time believing that. She never shows it. I grant her more leeway than I do David...why? Maybe it is because I live with her. Maybe not. I can't be sure. I do know that I need to be the bigger person and Try to make this move. I have unanswered questions. Things I need settled and need to be talked about.

From today forward, I am going to try to be more grateful for what I have instead of worrying about what I don't have. That will be a hard task....especially living where I do. I must try tho, I must be the better person. I can not let what other people have chosen for me over ride what I want in life.