Saturday, March 19, 2011


Its her you love,
her you want.
The one you've held yourself for.
I was here,
All a long, waiting
I was here for you to pick, to choose
I love you I said.
Like an idiot I waited,
I watched.

I still love you,
I always will.
But its not the same.
I cant wait and pine for you
While you wait for her.
So Ive destroyed that part of my heart
That held you.
Ive washed down the creek I cried

Now there's someomne new.
My heart is healing.
it's opening up.
Allowing others in.
I love you still
I always will.

But he loves me too.
He makes me laugh,
Makes me smile.
You were my true love.
You broke my heart
As you waited for her.

Now, Im his, and he is mine
There's no getting me back
Im gone adios
I hope she was worth it
Because my heart is now his
You had your chance
Now, I'm gone.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Lots happening

I don't post on this blog often, but when I do it usually means something. I post every day on my other blog for PCOS. I use that one as my food journal etc. It helps me connect to other people who have PCOS and be heard by people who are just like me.

I am sure by now that my sisters know that our nephew dustin is in the hospital. I promised my brother I wouldn't tell anyone. I didn't. Well...there is one exception.; always is. Of course I told Chris. I run to him with everything, he is my crutch on well everything. I discuss EVERYTHING with him I mean literally everything. Most of which he is getting tired of or it appears that way. A few days back we had a super long conversation. Like the ones we used to have XD I enjoyed it sooo much. It felt like I had my best friend back. Too bad he had to be inebriated to talk to me like that again :\.

Anyway back to Dustin. He is the son of my only blood brother Robert. He is special needs and has a lot of things going on with him. What exactly you ask? I have not one clue.  I ask and ask and he explains somewhat but about 10 minutes later, I forget. It is like I am not comprehending the information being presented to me. Which if what I think about me having dyslexia is true, I probably am not comprehending it.

I finally reached under 300 on Saturday YAY GO ME!! now to keep on trucking. Giving up carbs and sweets isn't what I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong. It isn't without its challenges. Specially that first day at Cece's Omg.. I almost gave in to the cake so many times. I don't even like cake all that much. I didn't though I was a good girl.

I have started being a good girl in other ways too. I for one don't eat the breaded stuff from when we order chinese food. Instead I order a single dish such as mushroom chicken or garlic chicken then give the rice to my mother XD. I did go overboard though. I ate the bbq pork and spare ribs. :p I am getting there. I find it is getting hard to reach my min a day for calories. I had to struggle today to get higher than 1200 cals. Yesterday I only had about 1300. Thats ok though because the day before that I had like 3000 ROFL. I know I fluctuate A LOT!

I feel better though with my change in diet. I really do. I haven't had soda in ummm at least a month or so, I am doing GREAT! A little change on the scale not much with the tape measure. But eh, I will get there.
Last two days however I have been super tired and not wanting to exercise or stand at the puter :\.  I thin kit is the peppermint tea I have been drinking the last two days. Who knows. Hopefully it will get better. I might just be near what would be my TOM. 

Anyway I have to go out to PCC tomorrow to meet with Stephanie the I have a dream college coordinator to talk about some things. We will see what happens!

That is all for now. Ciao

I am beautiful, I am sexy. I am skinny.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Refreshing day

Today was awesome I had one of those long ass talks with chris like we used ot where we discussed anything and EVERYTHIGN we used to do that every so much. Kind of sucks that he has to be drunk to start it out tho. anyway had to share that little tidbit cause It made me HAAAPPYYYY! XD.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Another day....another deed

So today I decided to write just to write. I don't know about what. Just to write. Hmmm

Lets see...what is happening today. Um I am making an apricot glazed turkey for dinner. OOHH Rory started a blog *Snickers* that is gonna be interesting.  We will see what random ramblings he pouts in there after he is done calling me a rambling wench. HEHE Gotta love my brother.
BTW...had to post this photo....I love it but he hates time to piss him off HEHEHE.

Aside from my sister beign a right bitch and having the tv blaringly loud then talking on the phone exceedingly louder while I was trying to sleep. Not much has happened it seems I have ran out of things to write. Hmm.... maybe more inspiration will come later....oh well I need to get stuff together for my shower XD.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

New blog for PCOS

So I decided to make a new blog SPECIFICALLY for my fight with PCOS and weight loss, that way on this one I can focus mainly on life issues and what is bugging me.

I have been thinking alot about going back to school and I soooooo want to. I might have found a way to, However, I need to get tested for dyslexia first. -.- Interesting, very interesting. SUUCCKKSSS too. But in the long run it will help me to overcome the challenges that keep me from succeeding in school.

Kristal told me she is getting married this year. I SOOOOO want to go! I just can;'t make it, can't afford it. Sigh. Why does life have to be so unfair?

I also want to go to the gym too. :\ I think lifting weights and the elliptical would be SO beneficial to me it isn't even funny :( Why ????? Well, for now I will have to work with what I have and hope it makes an impact. Out for now. I need to PEE BADLY! LOLOL

Friday, February 18, 2011


So I kind of slacked off with this blog again butt....I am back! Every so often I will probably go away and come back, and you know what? That IS ok. So I THINK I have gotten past my plateau...not sure yet. My waist is now down to about 45 inches YAY! I haven't weighed myself today...I kind of really want to wait till monday but I know I probably wont be able to. Sigh. I wish this would, could go faster. However, I WILL make it, I WILL succeed!

I decided to try affirmations and goal setting in my weight loss this time. I have tried a ton of other things right? Time to try this. My goals are as follows:
1 Year: Be 100 LBS lighter and have lost 15" off my waist by 3/1/12
6 Mos: Be into size 18 pants AT MY WAIST by sept 1, 2011
3 Mos: Fit into my size 20 corset by 6/1/11
30 Days: Lose 5 lbs by 4/1/11 (currently 300.4)
1 Week: (set on wed, Feb 16, 2011) Lose 1 LB by Feb 23,2011

I think I can accomplish these, I just need to not let anyone sabotage me , I am worth it! I can do it!

My affirmations, are written in the moment, that way It isn't always an I will..which will make me think I don't have to act. I am now! I am these things and will be these things...starting NOW!

My affirmations:

I am skinny.

I am sexy.

I am beautiful.

These are the things I repeat to myself always. I believe them and I will be them! I am beautiful, sexy and skinny!

I will overcome my PCOS and lose this fat! I will be healthy enough to have kids and play with them!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Epic Fail

SOOOOOO the 30 day challenge got off to a bad start. I didn't follow through. I decided to start as of today. I can no longer drink anything but water and have to walk every day. So far that has been working out for walking to cc's and back. Her house is about a mile from here or so, so that is two miles per day AT LEAST. LOL. now...just to keep with the water and my waist will shrink *crosses her fingers* I can do it I WILL do it, just to find the strength..... Jan 26th day 1. I will drink only water! hehe. I can do this...I can.