I am horrible

There was some news given to him today that another friends parent has terminal cancer. I feel like such a horrible person. I was concerned and all of that. I am human, the reason I am horrible is that soon as he mentioned having to get his passport in order because she (the other friend) and he were close, my head went to overdrive. For a split second, I wasnt worried about her, or her parent with terminal cancer. I was worried about him going over there and rekindling the romance they once had. How sick is that? How selfish is that? Her parent is fighting for his life and I am worried about how I may never get him. My heart sank at the thought. I thought I was over him. I had no hopes, no thoughts of getting him. He made himself clear he didn't love me like that so WTF? I am such a horrible person. I don't know how else to explain it :\ He was ready to marry her a few years back. Then he wasn't ready to marry me, not as definitively as he was her. I guess the saying I stole from a friend is true. “If a guy genuinely cares about you, it's really not that easy to lose his interest.” He lost interest in me, big time. Guess I am not the right one for him. Time to learn my lesson. All I want to do is cry. I keep thinking I am over him then WHAM! it hits me. Why me ? :\