So many things so many emotions. Am I crazy? I think so. I realized that I have been trying so, so hard to make myself not love him, to push him out of my mind that I have been sabotaging myself. I need to just let myself be, let myself love. In time I will get over him if I let myself just be. Eventually something will click to make me not love him. I could love him in so many ways. Some healthy some not so healthy. We play facebook games together (which in this post I kind of hope he doesn't read this. He would know for sure who he is. All I want. ALL I WANT is him ot be happy. As far as facebook games go. Most are pretty stupid. In fact most I have deleted most of them or blocked or whatever. the same things over and over and over again. bleh. Meh boobs..now theres something. OMG they keep falling asleep! While I was in Cali I got fitted for a bra and discovered I am actually a G cup. BBUUUTTTT....recently I have been popping out of the g because there is just TOOOOOOO MUUCHH of meh. So my boobs have been fallign asleep lately...and if your boobs have ever fallen asleep you KNOW how uncomfy it is. I Need to get a new one. A better fitting one. One thats sized correctly again. Meh. This week has been a weird one. An aggravating one. I found out I almost had a job 40hr/week graveyard..and didn't get it cuz the phones were off. -.- . Meh sisseh Chastity broke up with her BF -.-...the asshole. He came to me first and said he was gonna which left me between a rock and a hard place. To tell her or not. I told her. I had to tell her. I can't keep that kind of thing a secret. She is meh sisseh!! I also broke up with demon the girls' RL brother. He wont stop tho. Is trying to get me back etc. But I can't, I just can't. I can't handle how he is in relationships. Also, It isn't fair to him when I can't devote myself to him. I need someone with experience, LIFE EXPERIENCE. Not someone I need to teach. :\ I am back up in my weight. I had lost some. Now I am back up again. Meh. I need to find a way to overcome this mental shit here at home and crack down and lose weight. It just isn't working. Sigh, It was soooo much easier in cali. So much easier.
