I could love you like that

So many things so many emotions. Am I crazy? I think so. I realized that I have been trying so, so hard to make myself not love him, to push him out of my mind that I have been sabotaging myself. I need to just let myself be, let myself love. In time I will get over him if I let myself just be. Eventually something will click to make me not love him. I could love him in so many ways. Some healthy some not so healthy. We play facebook games together (which in this post I kind of hope he doesn't read this. He would know for sure who he is. All I want. ALL I WANT is him ot be happy. As far as facebook games go. Most are pretty stupid. In fact most I have deleted most of them or blocked or whatever. the same things over and over and over again. bleh. Meh boobs..now theres something. OMG they keep falling asleep! While I was in Cali I got fitted for a bra and discovered I am actually a G cup. BBUUUTTTT....recently I have been popping out of the g because there is just TOOOOOOO MUUCHH of meh. So my boobs have been fallign asleep lately...and if your boobs have ever fallen asleep you KNOW how uncomfy it is. I Need to get a new one. A better fitting one. One thats sized correctly again. Meh. This week has been a weird one. An aggravating one. I found out I almost had a job 40hr/week graveyard..and didn't get it cuz the phones were off. -.- . Meh sisseh Chastity broke up with her BF -.-...the asshole. He came to me first and said he was gonna which left me between a rock and a hard place. To tell her or not. I told her. I had to tell her. I can't keep that kind of thing a secret. She is meh sisseh!! I also broke up with demon the girls' RL brother. He wont stop tho. Is trying to get me back etc. But I can't, I just can't. I can't handle how he is in relationships. Also, It isn't fair to him when I can't devote myself to him. I need someone with experience, LIFE EXPERIENCE. Not someone I need to teach. :\ I am back up in my weight. I had lost some. Now I am back up again. Meh. I need to find a way to overcome this mental shit here at home and crack down and lose weight. It just isn't working. Sigh, It was soooo much easier in cali. So much easier.

Please baby don't die

Wow an interesting day to say the least. Marlin was over here for the day keeping cool. cause DAMN was it HOT! ugh I am sweating just thinking about it. whew! we had pizza, they watched a movie. was all gravy...mostly LOL. except when marlin went home he found a new born baby kitten, only hours old with the umbilical cord still attached. its so cute and tiny. We don't know what to do for it. it was probably cold, dehydrated etc. the tiny thing. I spent the last good hour or so searching the web for ways to keep it safe and alive till marlin can take it somewhere tomorrow. the poor baby, only hours old and left all alone :( He has just left to go buy KMR kitten milk replacement formula. I wish there was more we could do. I don't want the kitten to die :( it's so cute!!!!! My heart breaks for the tiny kitten who was left all a lone:(


On another note I am GOING CRAZY. I have not found a job yet and it sucks, I want no I NEED something to do. ANYTHING at this point. I even applied at a call center Saturday night. sigh. another call center bleh. I hope they call me tho. so much I want and need to do. I need a new laptop, I want and need to take another vacation. I want to go back to school. SIGH. too much. and it all takes money I don't have. A few thousand to be exact. meh. Life sucks and then you die. I think that is pretty much all my day was about today. Not very exciting , very borign actually :( will this boredom ever end?